HELP is not a 4-letter word
Help is not a ‘4 letter word’
Here in the U.S., our culture places a premium on independence and self-sufficiency. While these are great qualities, they can also be taken to the extreme — even to your detriment. Too often I see bright, talented, people who believe they have failed in their careers or are faltering in their lives. When I ask them to tell me more about what they have done to address the situation, they point to all of the actions they have taken…ALONE.
Then, I ask about the people they know or resources they have access to only to hear that they “could not possibly” ask for help or “take advantage” of a situation or relationship.
It pains me when I hear someone say “I can’t” or “I couldn’t possibly”. Why not? What is getting in the way? It seems like a habit to be wary of asking for help or to think of yourself as in need of assistance. I suggest that now is the time to break through the constraints of our pseudo-independent = strength culture and do what truly makes us strong. ASK FOR HELP.
Here are some ways to think about it:
H is for Hope – You must believe that the glass is at least half full. Stay open and curious. Seek the people, information, and resources that are available to you. They may not be immediately apparent, but they are there.
E is to Engage - Nothing great gets accomplished in a vacuum. Stay engaged in as many relationships as you can. It doesn’t have to be a lot of work to do so. Oftentimes, we are too close to our own situation to see the forest through the trees or as some of us may refer to it as, we feel stuck. A great way to get unstuck is to ask a trusted friend or colleague a question or to tell them how we are feeling. This will undoubtedly take the conversation to place that will enable us to see things differently and lend itself to more action. Asking for help or for information by engaging with people can often make all the difference in the world.
L is to Leverage – Think broadly about the resources and people who you already know. Leverage as much as you can and it will multiply itself as a result. For example, a client who currently works in a non-profit organization, but also has for-profit experience and is open to jobs in that sector told me, “All of my friends work in non-profits and they all know I am looking for a new job. They don’t know the for-profit sector. I have run out of people to talk to!” Really??? I say look beyond your close circle and think about people you know in other areas or places – they all know other people they can introduce you to – it’s especially helpful to articulate what you are looking for. Ask others for their best online resources. If you feel as if you have searched every corner of the internet, talk to a reference librarian in your local library. Librarians are a hidden gem in our society and often overlooked. (Plus, they get paid to be helpful!)
P is for Purpose – Do you believe we're all here for a reason? I do! What is your WHY? If you are not quite sure what this means, check out this brief video, Know Your Why, by inspirational comedian Michael Jr. If you are still not quite sure, think about those people who are most important to you and ask them how you have made a difference in their lives. Another way I suggest people think about this is to reflect on the times when someone has thanked you for something you did and their gratitude filled you with pride or a similar good feeling. What was your impact in that situation? What did you do? How might that information give you a clue as to your sense of purpose?
Do what it takes to make it your best or meaningful. Asking for help is one way to achieve that. It could be as simple as asking someone to point you in the direction of a useful resource and as substantial as inviting someone to be your mentor. Whether big or small, these kinds of requests have an intention behind them and serve your purpose.
Do not hesitate to ask for help. The key is to articulate it in a way that brings you more information and invites new people into your network. Stay tuned for more insights and strategies on articulating your message so that others will be better able to help you.